Once ago

You know, I know this one girl.
She is so broken, in and out. 
She's been mentally abused. 
By who? Oh, by herself.
Ain't blaming anyone for her own uncounted flaws. 

She was a cheerful girl.
Reading was her obsessions,
Laughing was her best talks,
Dancing was her sports,
Maroon was her number one colour,
and Sunday was her favourite day of a weeks.

But, it all changed.
Everything changed in the blink of an eye.
She thought once that it was okay,
Okay when her first love disappointed her.
But that long lost love that she misses makes her feel worthless every single seconds she breath. 

Not to mention the fact that it becomes worse.
One day after a day, 
She went through the creepiest bit, ever. 
Building up her wall every seconds ,
Shutting people who comes to her out ,
Once again, she thought it was the end of a minute. 
But no, it leads to even more chaos. 
She became the preeminent actor in the movie. 
Not as a heroin neither a villian.
She doesn't even know how she turn out to be the one that stand infront of thousands people with spotlight on. 

Nobody believes her, 
Nobody holds her,
Nobody lend their arms,
Nobody willing to ask how she feel,
Nobody needs to know the fact, why?
Because not even one person , who truly care .

Everybody, mind this though.
99 parts of the story that you heard, 
Is not always the exact ending without another 1.  
Her life went from sweet candy to bitter coffee,
In just a couple of years she was born. 

She is now a quiet person and she hate herself for raising an anger of demon. 
Silence is now her language, language that shut her heart out. 
and Silence is the best talks she owned now. 
Walking is now her favourite sports. 
Black is now her top colour, the master of black I would say ,
Showing the darkness that haunted her now , 
and now , none of the days in the week is her day. 

If I were, to meet her one day, 
I'll make sure that she's not just okay but really okay. 
I'll take care of her sleep that full of nightmares.
I'll hold her close when she broken .
and I'll confirm that she'll be safe in this arms of mine. 

By any chance, 
Do you have any idea how do I know her? 
Oh, because she is me. 
Yeah , I hate me for trying so hard to love me. 
And I hate me for being soft once and ruined me .

- lylaa 28/9/21

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