Dear diary ,

actually--

im tired af . like seriously .


im tired with me . im tired with all the circumstances , bit by bit .


im tired to fight against me tbh :)


like -- right now .

im just waiting for some turning point for me to break down . and i also dont know when actually things gonna happen .


u see--

before this . like some time ago .

i felt way worst than this . 

i was in a deeply deep sorrow with no ending downhearted .


but yeah at some point--

when i started to open up . when-- 

i have some people trying to reach me out . its kinda felt nice . no word could delineate how grateful i was back then .

and i being whom u see now .


but there's a saying . " good times didnt last forever " right ? 


i started to get tired u see--

if i go back to who i was before , did everyone still wanna befriended me ?


this is me thinking stuff--

just stuff .. idk . its bothering me and i hate it so much :)


i also know that the process to recover mental health is far more worse cause you have been thru so much hardship and when you try to climb up from being sunk deeper in the trench of darkness , it would completely worn you out and i have felt that . 


and i dont want people to undergo the same pitch black experiences i have , i told people sometimes mentally abusing yourself is not good and trying to give people a good fix , giving people the strenght to face the reality but me ..


me myself cant do a single things like facing the reality or stuff and i have awfully suffered .it seems like those word that i told people just meant to be empty . and i freaking detested it !


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